It must be love - Part 2

One of my patients tried these new daily disposable multifocal lenses and got great vision at distance and near, so I was keen to try them again at tennis. I was expecting the distance vision to be better with the new prescription, but it wasn't - worse if anything - but still excellent for close things. The Mighty John was delighted to get me as a partner. He'd partnered his wife the day before and had to run around a lot, and was hoping I'd be able to do the same for him. There's a perception in the group that I'm much younger than the rest of them. Whilst it's true that I'm the youngest by a few years, I suspect I'm older than they think. And anyway, none of us are exactly in the first flush of youth. The Mighty John started slowly, but he's easily the best player, so even when half-fit is still a formidable opponent. For once I started well. Perhaps the close focus of the lenses was helping me to focus on the contact point especially well. TMJ started to get into his stride, so we beat French Nigel and The Reverend Ian 6-1. ( Are you listening, Bulldog Russell? No, I thought not). With both of us playing well, we breezed past the two Richards - Richard the Poke and Southpaw Richard - 6-0. We then faced Comic Bob and Jonathan the Slice, who had lost their previous two games 6-0, 6-0. So in theory this should have been a walk-over. But these are two wily old birds, who have numerous strategies for winning a game, only some of which actually involve playing tennis. It would be an exaggeration to say that Jonathan the Slice only has two shots. It would be an exaggeration, because he really only has one shot, with two variations. The first is a wicked fast backhand slice, that veers off the racket at improbable angles. This means that you are waiting for your partner to return it, when you realise that the ball has just whizzed past you. But the second variation is far more devilish. The shot is played with such spin and slice, that the counter-rotation of the ball is about ten times faster than its forward velocity. As the ball hovers over the net like a diabolo, you are faced with two unattractive alternatives, heightened by the cry of "Watch the spin!" from JtS. The first option is a volley, but you know that as soon as your racket makes any contact the ball will immediately ricochet into the bottom of the net. The second is to allow the ball to bounce, after which which it spins off in a completely unpredictable direction. The humiliation of your air-shot is compounded by the cry of "I told you to watch the spin!" from the other side of the net. There's only one weakness in these two shot variations: the majority of them fail to clear the net. But against us JtS suddenly finds his form, and he and Comic Bob break The Mighty John's opening serve. Comic Bob, never short of a comment, suggests that they were waiting for some better opposition before showing their true form. But this comment laid the seeds of their own destruction, because in that first game we weren't playing with quality. I in particular made a couple of bad mistakes. So they couldn't maintain the level of their play, and we moved into a 5-1 lead. At this point, Jonathan the Slice brought out one of his favourite tactics: "Last game counts seven!" There was time for a few more games after this, and TMJ and I moved into a 4-0 lead. Now, with only time for one more game, came the inevitable "Last game counts five!" There are times when one can play well, but for whatever reason it's not reflected in the score. But this wasn't one of those times. So The Mighty John and I adjourned to the bar, satisfied with our work, with the rather unusual score for the evening of 6-1, 6-0, 12-1, 9-0. David Donner